Next time you feel like you’re inadequate, like if you think you’re too inexperienced for a new career opportunity, or not interesting enough when you meet new people, it begs the question, have you ever stopped to ask yourself how you can actually feel like you are good enough?
(Yes, that was a run-on sentence, and no I’m not going to change it.)
We’ve trained ourselves to attempt to live up to some pie-in-the-sky expectation (mmm, pie). We’re so used to feeling like we have to strive for more, from getting that A in class, to impressing that cute guy at the bar, that I think we lose touch with what we’re even striving for.
We’ve become accustomed to feeling inadequate, and not feeling like we’re good enough. But when you snap out of it, and wonder why you’re walking around feeling like you’re in a rut, you have to ask yourself “Am I good enough for WHAT?”
What is this expectation I am striving to meet, and what would change if I get it? If I was society’s ideal of perfect beauty, would I be smarter? If I made more money, but nothing else changed, would I be happier?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have someone following me around with a meter stick, reminding me where I fall short. But somehow, we have self-inflicted this heavy weight on ourselves to meet an imaginary expectation.
Feeling like you’re good enough can have a plethora of positive benefits such as increased confidence and happiness, and feeling like we’re not quite there yet is often self-inflicted. So how do we stop it?
Here are some suggestions on how you can start feeling like you’re good enough.
There Is No Standard For “Good Enough” Except the One That You Create
When you feel like you’re ‘not good enough’ you’re putting yourself up against a non-existent standard.
Who decides what is good enough?
Is there a place where the rules of ‘good enough’ are all written down so I can refer to them later?
Oh, there’s not? Phew! So essentially we’ve just created this idea in our heads, and allow us to bring us down when we don’t meet this standard we’ve created for ourselves.
The perfect example is that I strived, permed and burned my hair to have straight locks for years, thinking that ‘good enough’ is having straight hair. While others around me would invest big-bucks into having their hair curly like mine. A perfect example of how we can covet what we don’t have, instead of appreciating and feeling gratitude for what we do.
If you’re feeling like ‘you’re not good enough” in one area of your life, you’re choosing one characteristic where you feel you might be lacking, and matching it up against someone else who may be excelling in that area. There is (or should be) no standard of perfection, so enjoy the things about you that make you YOU and live up to being the best version of you, because no one else can do that job.
All Of Your Characteristics That You’re Strong In (Or Not) Balance Out
Everyone has areas that they’re STRONG in, and lacking. Think of your co-worker who is AMAZING at math, but doesn’t have a good sense of humour. Or your friend who is gorgeous, but struggles to forge new relationships.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it’s those balances that help us create our full personalities. Be thankful that there are certain areas where you may not excel, because they create the opportunity for you to absolutely rock it in the areas that make you, you. Your awesome personality, or your ability to really listen to what people have to say wouldn’t come about without balance in your characteristics in other areas.
Being “Good Enough” Isn’t Dependent on Other People, It’s Dependent on You
Feeling like you’re ‘good enough’ does not depend on ANY external circumstances. It doesn’t matter if someone likes you or hates you. If you have a high-paying job, or not. If you get 100 likes on your last Instagram post, or not a single one.
You get to decide what characteristics in your life will make you happy. You need to remember to take in the positive feedback, and check the negative comments that other people may say, or the ones that spin through your head, at the curb.
Often we come up with ideas in our heads of what other people might speak about us, and we assume that others will think poorly of us. Remember that when people say negative things about you, it’s often a reflection and example of their lack of self-esteem, and really has nothing to do with you.
Take some time to remind yourself that you ARE good enough, and that there is no metric to be measured against when you are being who you truly are.