Are you holding yourself back from all the success and abundance that’s available to you? If so, you might be self-sabotaging, or holding yourself back through self-sabotaging behaviours or thought patterns. Self-sabotage shows up in different ways for different people, and a lot of the time, we may not even notice we’re doing it! If you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging once and for all, keep reading to learn how!
I used to be the queen of self-sabotage.
Playing small, limiting myself, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, not letting any good opportunities come my way… this was all just normal to me until I realized what a powerful creator I really am.
I thought that I was born into a world with no opportunities for someone like me — but now I can look back and see how many times I actually opted-out of the opportunities that were right in front of me because my beliefs didn’t support my expansion.
Now, I create opportunities out of thin air.
I’ve magnetized the most supportive team and the best clients and students into my business.
I’ve built a platform that helps people all over the world by sharing my story and my message.
I’m in my dream relationship, just moved into my dream home, and I’ve even become a mom to an adorable baby.
This has happened because I shifted my mindset, started looking at things differently, and took on some incredible principles to manifest the life of my dreams.
If you’re reading this, I know that you have big dreams, too.
Whether you’re dreaming of starting a business, manifesting a beautiful home or a loving relationship, or being a speaker or influencer who impacts people all over the world…
…I truly believe that you were given those dreams for a reason.
The Universe wants you to live out your biggest dreams not just for yourself, but for everyone that you’re going to help and inspire along the way.
So why do we get in our own way?
Self-sabotage or self-sabotaging behaviours and thought patterns will keep you away from living the life of your dreams, and sometimes, you might not even realize you’re doing it!
If you’ve been told your entire life to stay small, to “be realistic,” or to be like everybody else, every time you reach for something greater than what you’ve experienced before or believe is possible for you, your subconscious programming will kick in and try to stop you.
The good news is, you can pay attention to those thoughts and behaviours and start to take on new ones that will help you reach your goals… and that’s what I want to share with you today!
Here are a few of my best tips to stop self-sabotaging and start creating the life of your dreams!
1. Start To Shift The Conversation To What You Want To Create
“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
I first heard this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt years and years ago, and it flipped a switch for me.
It’s so important to be aware of:
What are you spending your time talking about?
How do you speak about yourself and others?
What you talk about is what you’re bringing into existence.
The subconscious mind takes everything personally, so if you’re saying negative things about other people, your subconscious mind thinks you’re saying those things about yourself!
We all know that when you’re talking about other people, it doesn’t feel good, right? It feels icky, and it’s out of integrity.
Most people don’t realize this, but criticism of others is actually a tell-tale sign of being a self-critical person.
So when it comes to achieving your dreams, the first thing I want you to do is make sure you’re not criticizing others, and that you’re not surrounding yourself with critical people. You’re not helping yourself. You’re not moving forward.
Think about what you want to create in your life.
This is what successful people do.
We all have 24 hours in a day, and you can either spend that time self-sabotaging or you can spend that time in a constructive way.
If you start talking about ideas, as Eleanor Roosevelt says, people around you will be able to help you on your path.
I remember years ago, before I started my business, I was working at a tech startup… and there was a guy who worked in the IT department who I started talking to about how I was starting my blog.
What I didn’t know?
He had a side hustle as a graphic and web designer.
He ended up helping me SOOO much with the techie aspects of starting my blog, and all because of that help, I was able to move so quickly. I got my website up and started making money in my business right away, which eventually became YES SUPPLY.
Now, imagine if I had just chatted with him about the weather or gossiped about our co-workers… this conversation never would’ve happened.
Because I had become a person who talks about IDEAS, and I had the courage to share my ideas with him and how excited I was about them, I was able to bring those ideas to fruition that much faster.
So start shifting the conversations around you to ideas that you have about the life of your dreams
Do this and you’ll stop self-sabotaging and start creating what you want.
2. Pay Close Attention To The Stories You’re Telling Yourself
Another important step if you want to stop self-sabotaging is to pay close attention to the stories you’re telling yourself about your life and how successful you can be.
When I first started coaching, I was constantly telling myself negative stories like, “Who am I to coach?” or “No one will ever listen to me…” and on and on…
…If I had kept telling myself those stories and believing them, I never would’ve created a multi-million-dollar coaching business!
It wasn’t until I decided to step into my power that I told myself, “You know what, I have a lot going for me, I’m different, I have an important story to tell, and I have what it takes to be a great coach.”
When I focused my energy on what I wanted and told myself positive stories, I got positive results.
Keep in mind that most of the time, our “problems” are really just metaphors for how we feel about ourselves, and we can learn from them instead of giving them so much power over us.
For example, let’s say someone doesn’t pay attention to you because they’re busy… and then you decide that they must not like you. You start telling yourself the story that they don’t like you, and you stop talking to them.
Now you’ve created a problem out of nothing! You’re putting a lot of pressure on that person to somehow be responsible for your feelings, and you’re putting yourself in a negative vibration that will block you from manifesting what you want.
This is why it’s so important to look at the self-sabotaging stories you’re telling yourself.
Are you telling yourself that you can’t change?
Or that it’s hard to make money or be successful?
Are you depending on other people to make you feel a certain way rather than knowing you can feel great all on your own?
Are you self-sabotaging by creating problems instead of opportunities? (It’s your choice!!)
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen clients come into our YES SUPPLY training who have never coached before, and by the end of the week they’re charging for their sessions.
Many thought they’d have to wait months or years to be successful, but they realize it just took a week to change.
There’s no correlation between time and success — it doesn’t have to take a long time to change — it’s just about believing in yourself and taking action.
If you’re not getting results, what self-sabotaging stories are stopping you?
What stories could you start telling yourself instead that could help you reach your goals?
3. Stop People-Pleasing
If you’re constantly finding yourself fixing everyone else’s problems, this can be a self-sabotaging behaviour.
This is a tricky one because you might feel like you’re coming from a good place and that you genuinely want to help people. I get it!
But if you’re doing too much for other people and not enough for yourself, it’s not healthy. You’ll end up feeling drained and you won’t have any energy left to go towards your own goals.
Also, think about this:
If you feel like you have to do everything for everyone else, you’re teaching them that they can’t do those things on their own — you’re creating a codependent situation — and it’s a lose-lose.
Imagine instead if you were pursuing your own dreams and inspiring them to do the same! Then you’re helping them from a place of power rather than forcing.
Recognize that you can get a lot further by thinking about what you want, going after it, and leading by example.
So if you’re wondering if you’re self-sabotaging by being too much of a people-pleaser, check in right now.
A good question to ask yourself that I teach in my Master Practitioner training is: “If somebody were to say ‘I’m thirsty’ — would I feel compelled to go get them a drink of water?”
4. Get Clear On What You Want
One of the big ways to stop self-sabotaging is by getting clear on what you want…
…So many people self-sabotage by just not deciding!
If you’re someone who constantly says “I don’t know what I want, I don’t know how to set goals, it’s fuzzy…”
…What are you telling yourself about your identity?
If you’re finding it really hard to set goals and focus, are you telling yourself that you’re directionless?
Are you making “I don’t know what I want” your affirmation?
Your beliefs about yourself are what are going to create your thoughts.
If you believe you don’t know what you want, or that you’re not somebody with goals — if that’s how you see yourself — you’re blocking your subconscious mind from being able to bring up good ideas and thoughts for you to the surface.
When you catch yourself thinking or speaking those self-sabotaging thoughts, try replacing them with these affirmations:
I am a focused person.
I am a person with direction.
I am a person who moves forward.
I see great things for myself.
Even if you feel like you don’t know what you want, if you say “I have goals” (even before you know what they are), incredible ideas will start to come to the surface.
The deeper you can reprogram these beliefs with subconscious tools, the more they will embed in your reality. Neuro Linguistic Programming, Hypnosis, and EFT tapping can help you embed these new beliefs on a much deeper level.
You’ll know and feel when the right idea comes to you.
5. Take Action, Even If It’s In Baby Steps
Once you have that goal, it’s important to take action.
One of the biggest ways that people self-sabotage is by just not moving forward on anything, even if a great opportunity falls into their lap.
I know it’s scary. I know sometimes you don’t feel ready.
But move forward, following what feels good, even if it’s in baby steps. Soon, the path will appear to you.
Know that your fear has nothing to do with your potential.
When I started on my path and took my first NLP course, I had no idea what coaching was, and I definitely had no idea I’d ever create an NLP certification program! But that course was what first opened my eyes to the power of the subconscious mind, which completely changed my life and the way I looked at the world.
I could’ve easily started self-sabotaging by questioning what the point even was, doubting whether I could do it, or never even showing up to that course.
But I knew it was important to follow what felt good, and that’s what brought me to where I am today.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to get a specific result. Just get excited about the action you’re taking! Detach from the outcome.
You can learn a lot more about yourself by being creative and seeing what inspires and excites you than you can by not moving forward.
6. Recognize Common Self-Sabotaging Behaviours
In my recent YouTube video, I go through some of my personal stories about self-sabotaging and how it’s appeared in my life. I also name some ways that it might be showing up for you.
A lot of people have told me that this video was very moving for them.
You can watch it here:
If you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging once and for all, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to understand the subconscious mind.As I mentioned, when I took my first NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) course, I learned how to speak the language of the mind. This was so eye-opening for me, and I was SO excited… but then I felt pissed off because I realized that most of us go through our lives self-sabotaging because we’ve never been taught how to work with our own thoughts or shift into a new identity!
This is why I built YES SUPPLY to free people like you from self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours so that you can create your YES life and empower you to help others as a leading coach.
The YES SUPPLY METHOD is a one-stop shop for EVERYTHING that you need to reprogram your mind AND start a successful coaching business. including how to market yourself through social media and create a platform that makes money by serving others deeply.
You’ll learn how to work with the subconscious mind through NLP and hypnosis, as well as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping), TIME Techniques, energy work, and more.
You’ll also have the tools to reprogram your mind so that self-sabotaging never holds you back again. Click here to check out my 5-Step Coaching System Masterclass and learn all about it!