Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Is your mind constantly full of limiting, self-defeating thoughts? If so, you’re not alone. I struggled with negative self-talk for a long time… until I learned how to observe my thoughts and reprogram my subconscious mind. If you’re ready to stop beating yourself up all the time, keep reading and I’ll share my best tips for how to overcome negative self-talk!
Our minds have infinite capacity and infinite potential…
…So why do so many of us use them to beat ourselves up all the time?
I used to have SO much negative self-talk… and I thought that was just my life.
Because of who I was — my background, my experience, my upbringing — all of that had me thinking negative, limiting thoughts about myself and believing that they were the truth.
I’d wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think:
I hate my hair. I hate my skin. I hate my clothes. I’ll never make new friends. No one will ever like me…
…And on and on and on.
It was SO painful, and I was stuck. Stuck in my old patterns, trapped in my negative self-talk, and constantly thinking that I would never be accepted.
Yet somewhere inside I also knew that this was NOT the woman I was meant to be. I knew I was hiding my true self.
But I could NOT get out of my own head, and it was holding me back from everything I wanted to accomplish.
I wanted to be able to walk into a room of new people, make friends, build connections, and grow my business.
I wanted to be a leader, and a speaker… and it seemed impossible at the time.
And I wanted so badly to make a difference in peoples’ lives.
If you’re in a similar place, let me be the one to tell you:
You CAN overcome your negative self-talk.
I’m living proof!
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk refers to the stream of thoughts, most of which run on autopilot, that reflect what we believe, how we see ourselves, and our ability to achieve our goals and dreams.
When you study Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) in the YES SUPPLY METHOD, you learn that we all have different internal representational systems, or how we receive and process information within the subconscious mind:
✨ Auditory digital
Auditory digital representation is our self-talk.
If you pay attention to the words people use, you can usually pick up on their primary internal representational system- how they process information.
For example, a person whose representational system is primarily visual might use words like, “I see what you’re saying,” or “I get the picture,” whereas someone whose representational system is primarily auditory might say, “I hear you,” or “That sounds good.”
You can also pick up on what’s going on for people behind the scenes. From what they are saying and their physiology, you’ll receive information on limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and expectations for how their life can be!
When you pick up on these cues, you can match their representational system in your word choices so that you’re literally speaking their language!
If you’re a coach who’s curious about how to use NLP to create massive shifts in your life, check out my 5-Day Elevate Your Coaching Sessions Challenge! We go deep on mindset techniques, coaching tools, and NLP secrets.
What we see, hear, feel, or say to ourselves are all tied to our state, and our nervous system is geared towards producing behavior based on the internal representations that we make.
This means that if you’re constantly engaging in negative self-talk, that’s going to affect your behaviours, which in turn, affects the results you’re able to achieve in life.
Where Does Negative Self-Talk Come From?
So where does negative self-talk come from?
Negative self-talk is typically an indicator of negative beliefs that are bubbling below the surface in the subconscious mind. These beliefs are picked up from the environment you grew up in — whether from parents, teachers, TV and movies, or anything else that shaped you unconsciously from a young age.
Growing up, I remember my mom being positive, upbeat, and always dancing around the living room or going rollerblading with me. But when I was a teenager, she got into an abusive relationship with a man who was always talking down to her or yelling and threatening me. I remember coming home from school and hearing him yell for 6 hours straight.
That negativity, violence, and abuse had a huge effect on me at that age. I struggled with my self-esteem and my mind was full of negative self-talk.
Our subconscious minds are like sponges for everything happening around us, and when you’re in an environment like that, it’s bound to affect the way you talk to yourself.
As I started to get older, I knew that I was meant for so much more than what life had shown me so far. I realized that if I wanted my outer world to change, it was up to me to start with my inner world.
If you want to shift your reality, it starts with shifting your thoughts… and that includes negative self-talk.
How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
If you’re someone who is struggling with negative self-talk, and it’s stopping you from going after the opportunities you deserve, it’s time to get out of your own way.
Realize that by allowing yourself to be the truest version of yourself, you can inspire others to do the same.
Keep reading and I’ll share with you the tools and tips I used to overcome negative self-talk and grow into the leader, speaker, coach, and multi-million dollar business owner that I am today.
1. Learn to Observe Your Thoughts
If you want to overcome negative self-talk, the first step is to learn to be the observer of your thoughts.
You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts.
And the sooner you are able to recognize that your negative self-talk is not YOU — it’s just a result of how you’ve been programmed up until this point — the sooner you can decide to make a change.
When I learned how to become the observer of my thoughts, shift my habits, and use affirmations to connect more deeply to my truth and my purpose, I was able to stop and ask myself…
“Does this thought truly serve me?”
I started to consider what kinds of thoughts I would think if I was a leader, a speaker, and a sought-after coach.
The more I did this, the more I was able to see which thoughts served my goals… and which thoughts had nothing to do with the person I was becoming.
2. Use a Pattern Interrupt
I remember after I attended my first Neuro Linguistic Programming training and I started practicing this belief that I was just the thinker of my thoughts… whenever I’d catch myself thinking a negative thought, I’d use a technique called a Pattern Interrupt to stop my negative self-talk in its tracks.
If I caught myself thinking a negative thought, I would literally swat it away like a fly.
What this does is literally interrupt the negative self-talk, which is just a pattern, and give you the chance to reset and replace that thought with a more positive one.
I remember one time I was at the gym on a treadmill, and I caught myself focusing on a negative belief and quickly went “SHHH!” to shut it down. The woman next to me was so startled, she nearly fell off her treadmill!
What might surprise you about your negative self-talk is that in many ways, it’s just a habit. When we beat ourselves up, we’re often running on autopilot, repeating the thoughts and behaviours that don’t even belong to us… they’re just what we’re used to.
When I first started my coaching business, I knew I was going to have to put a stop to my negative self-talk. I needed to build the new habit of thinking of myself as the person I was becoming.
So when I’d think a thought like “No one’s ever going to listen to you,” I’d replace it with a more positive one like, “You have an important story, and people need to hear it.”
Over time, I went from being shy, insecure, with a mind full of negative self-talk… to being someone who is comfortable speaking on stage in front of hundreds of people!
3. Shift Your Habits
If you want to stop negative self-talk, start to become more conscious of your habits, what kind of people you’re surrounding yourself with, and what kind of content you’re exposing yourself to.
Your subconscious mind is constantly picking up everything around you — so if you’re constantly surrounded by critical people, you’re going to become more self-critical as well.
If you’re constantly watching content that makes you feel bad, your inner world is going to continue to be full of negative emotions, and so on.
So start thinking about how you can feed your mind a healthy diet and build healthy habits. You can work with positive affirmations to start to program the thoughts that align with the life you’re creating.
Another powerful tip is to create morning rituals to start your day off on a positive vibration. Your morning ritual sets the tone for your day, and it can make a huge difference to the results you get.
I remember when I was starting to overcome negative self-talk, one of the first things I stopped doing was looking at my phone first thing in the morning.
Instead of scrolling through Instagram and checking out who was on vacation, or who just bought a new house or car, I started using that time to focus on myself. I opened up space to think about my dreams and the life I wanted to create. Even just this little shift made a huge difference to my self-esteem.
Need a little inspiration to start your days off on a positive note? Check out this video where I share 5 of my favorite self-love tips to add to your morning ritual.
4. Try EFT Tapping to Rebalance Your Emotions
One of my favorite tools I’ve discovered for staying in a positive mindset is Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT Tapping.
By tapping on energy meridian points on the body, you can rebalance its signals and overcome negative emotions within a matter of minutes.
What’s so powerful is that you can take your negative self-talk and turn it into a script to clear those thoughts and feelings from your body.
In the YES SUPPLY METHOD, you can become a certified EFT Practitioner and learn how to craft Tapping rituals to make massive shifts in your clients’ lives (and your own!)
Try adding this quick, 10-minute Tapping ritual for self-love to your morning routine. Practice this daily for a month, and I bet you’ll start to see incredible shifts in your negative-self talk.
5. Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
As I mentioned earlier, you can think of negative self-talk as just negative thoughts bubbling up to the surface because of beliefs held in your subconscious mind.
When you start to identify those beliefs, you can work to shift them at a subconscious level, which is what we teach coaches to do in the YES SUPPLY METHOD.
By using powerful techniques like NLP, hypnosis, TIME Techniques, and EFT Tapping, you can reprogram your identity and the way you see yourself, and watch that ripple out into your thoughts, behaviours, and actions.
For me, discovering these tools was a complete game-changer.
I realized that I could shift beliefs that I had struggled with for YEARS within a matter of minutes.
Your subconscious mind is the most powerful supercomputer you will ever have access to, and that’s why it’s so incredible to learn these tools and be able to shift out of limiting beliefs and negative self-talk, once and for all. You can watch my 5-Step Coaching System Masterclass now to get started!